I dont know what is more sick..the fact that I come face to face with reality or the fact that through out I have been the one lying to myself. To my beliefs, to my ethics and lastly to those who idolize me. I am guilty and therein lies all confessions.
I cant speak out my mind but I cant stop myself from doing what I do. I am guilty. I keep telling myself that and at this point, when you come so far away, you cant go back . Without even thinking I made my future be it disastrous or fruitful. I have done it. I come across truth after truth, reminding me ,taunting me and scolding me. I have accepted it but it doesnt help my situation any better. Confusing as it gets, nothing can change it now unless I get what I am struggling for. I have to do it.. and only hope that God will be merciful to me. I have reached the point where without certain decisions, I cannot move forward and if I make those , I can try to make my life better.
Life isnt supposed to revolve around one decision. Mine just did and with that said, I get ready to plunge into the sea of unexpected and traumatic situations. I only pray and turn to God for help,if I get lucky I will make it through. If i dont?
I dont even want to imagine what happens next..