Desperate moments

I dont know what made me come back, i really dont know if i have a proper issue to talk about today in my post but all i can say is that for some reason I had this urge to write down my thoughts and preserve them. Maybe one day when i read them again ill be able to laugh them off as an “unlucky patch” of my life.

Either way its just irrational and stupid of me to come back after a very long time and post just to make this already deserted blog a little more gloomy… oh well like i said i hope that is just an unlucky patch!

Over the last few months, things happened to take a U turn in my life, it all happened too fast to actually recall the root cause of all this. For many this sort of change would have been welcomed but i guess there are exceptions in every case. In the end however, i had shifted to US within the blinking of an eye.

I was born and raised for 19 years in UAE. I can recall ample amounts of precious moments that i have associated to that place, although bad times strike all of us it still does not justify a reason to hate or loathe a place that u have grown up in. We had applied for the citizenship of USA a long time ago, which was finalized in the ending months of the year 2009. I dont know if the timing was perfect or not because i was about to step into the most crucial study year of my life. Hence everything was finalized and i had to move in.
A month later today, while a snow storm strikes in the outskirts of Salisbury, MD and my dad prepares and makes arrangements before he leaves for Dubai on 20th of this month, nothing but feelings of sorrow, despair and unhappiness surrounds me. There are way too many reasons for this and explaining each of them is just not possible. for the fact that people have lost patience to hear and that its of no use.
In desperate attempts, i pick up my mobile and browse through those 1400 pictures which consists of all the precious moments that i had spent with my friends back, the birthday messages and finally the awful farewell texts that force me to press the “delete” button and get them over with because deep down i havent really accepted the fact i have left UAE.

Its an explicable attachment to that place and forgetting it in a period of 1 month is hard. I know i wont be able to fit in, or adjust to new surroundings. I get used to stuff but basically its not something im so good at, its a stupid ideology and a misconception that Ms.writerphobic’s best personality trait is to adapt to things but in the end of the day I know myself better and I know i never adapt but i silently accept things the way they are and “try” to move on.

I miss the way my life was back then, it was just close to perfect. I thank Allah SWT for everything He gave me so that i could enjoy my life there to the fullest. I still thank Allah SWT for providing me such opportunities that many dont get, but i just pray that i get back the previous life soon :(.

I miss My friends alot who really gave me a lot more than i could have asked for, i simultaneously thank Allah SWT for giving me such friends who loved me for who i was and not what i was. Such friends are a blessing and i hope everyone gets them. I miss them everyday and every night and amongst the special group of friend i had some special people too who really made my life worth it. Its so weird that all of a sudden i had to let them go when i really didnt want to. If only i could be given a span of 2 yrs to be with them i wouldnt have ever minded, it could have been enough or all that i ever needed. My friends were an epitome of good luck, if i was mistakenly roaming around alone they would drag me somewhere and make my day ever so beautiful. If i ever did bad in an assignment they would protest to the teacher and make up to the bad work done, if by chance i degraded myself on a high note then they would make sure that doubt was erased. If i happened to be quiet on once in a blue moon day they would question me till i got so annoyed that i resumed my usual talk.
One of whom i was very close to made sure that we both discussed each and every hour of our life, analyze it and then discuss our options. I remember studying late night with her till 4 am, calling her at odd hours of the night just to listen to her speak and enjoy the usual panic before an exam [hahahah] its funny how it just vanished into thin air…
Nobody really knows which day can be their last or the fact that when their most prized possession in this world can be taken away from them just like that.

It is crazy, it is stupid and it is unpredictable but in the end that is what you just name life and play the games it imposes you to play..

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2 thoughts on “Desperate moments

  1. sweetpoisom on said:

    Its true. it takes more than a month to adjust anywhere in the world after spending a good portion of ur life in dxb. but inshAllah ull settle soon. it sure will take a lot of time but in the end inshAllah u will =)
    May Allah help u in adjusting and staying happy whereever you are.Ameen =)

    • writerphobic on said:

      I know that, its not easy but each and every day it just gets harder specially without friends where life is so dull and weird 😦 inshAllah and Ameen at your duas

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